What are you rebelling against, Johnny?

There are some series that telegraph their potential for greatness within the very first episode.

The CW's "Hidden Palms" is not one of those series.

Indeed, this represents the complete opposite of that idea -- a show that starts out feeling like it could be a guilty pleasure but ends up being something you want to hold face down in a full kiddie pool.

For every reason you can come up with to give "Hidden Palms" (8 p.m. Wednesdays, KSTW/11) a chance, there's another that busts the deal. Example: The cast includes "NYPD Blue" alums Gail O'Grady and Sharon Lawrence. That's a mark in the "pro" section. The flimsy writing that defies all efforts to make their talents show through? Ooh, not so good.

Pro: Among its younger cast members is Michael Cassidy, previously seen as Seth Cohen's geek competition Zach on "The O.C.," as well as one-time "Veronica Mars" castmember Tessa Thompson. Con: The main star is Taylor Handley, better known to audiences as Oliver Trask, the guy who set in motion "The O.C.'s" eventual ruin.

If "Hidden Palms" were better, we'd be able to let that go. But we can't, because "Hidden Palms" is scatterbrained and derivative in the extreme -- a little surprising considering that it's co-executive produced by "Dawson's Creek" creator Kevin Williamson. (Pro?) Williamson partnered with Scott Winant, one of the minds behind Showtime's yards-short-of-great show "Huff," to make this.

Yeah, that could be why it makes us wince. In the same way "Huff" begged, borrowed and stole every cable drama cliche imaginable, "Hidden Palms" smashes up California teen noir with "The O.C.," "Dawson" and lord knows what else. If someone were to take a DNA sample we might even discover it's the illegitimate grandchild of "Rebel Without a Cause" -- except the Johnny in "Hidden Hills" has angst founded in concrete tragedy as opposed to goofy boredom.

Life wasn't always terrible for poor Johnny Miller (Handley). In a former life, he had a nice haircut with a part and loved studying math. Then something awful happened, and a year later he's in recovery, sporting a shaggy emo 'do and brooding behind a camera.

Johnny's mother Karen (O'Grady) and new stepdad uproot him from his Seattle home ("You're tearing me apart!!!!") and re-settle in a Palm Springs subdivision bursting with rich kids and -- da da DUM! -- secrets. The biggest may have taken place in Johnny's bedroom, which used to be belong to the dead best buddy of the overly friendly prepster next door, Cliff Wiatt (Cassidy).

Weirdness is only a step or two away in "Hidden Palms." Across the street is the smart shy girl Liza (Ellary Porterfield), and the second episode brings a blast from Johnny's rehab past, Nikki (Thompson). Lots of the action takes place near pools but sorry, no brawling. Bummer.

In its place is psychobabble-laced dialogue and gallons of cocktailing among the teenage set, giving Johnny lots of opportunities to slip and slide. His fabulously gay mentor Jessie Jo (played by "Will & Grace" scene-stealer Leslie Jordan) is always nearby to keep him on the straight and narrow. That, at least, deserves mentioning. Outside of the "DeGrassi" series, the struggle to maintain sobriety rarely takes center stage in a show like this beyond the typical very special episode.

Whatever. The main event in Johnny's Palm Springs hood is Greta (Amber Heard), the area hot chick who loves to run through sprinklers at night and, naturally, has baggage not of the Louis Vuitton variety. Cliff describes her on separate occasions as as "enigmatic" and -- my personal fave -- "hot and dark." Suffer through a few of those lines accompanied by various crimes against acting, and you'll soon be done with this mess.

This assumes you were interested in the first place, which you probably aren't. There's better entertainment to be had -- evenings outside on the grass, enjoying the softly lit skies and not even noticing that the porch lights aren't coming on until nearly 10 p.m. Maybe savoring some hops-laden delight that dances on your tastebuds and breathing in the smoky sweet perfume of meat crisping on a grill nearby.

Yes, sure -- I said the same thing about "Traveler" not long ago, and that conspiracy thriller is far better than this dishwater drama. When it officially slides into its normal 10 p.m. Wednesday timeslot this week on KOMO/4, "Traveler" stands a reasonable chance of finding a few million to faithfully see it through the next couple of months.

People watch ABC in any season. In fewer numbers over the summer, it's true, but they'll show up -- whereas anything new on The CW is probably doomed to hide in plain view.