"Lost" and "Desperate" for dish

Now that ABC's turn is here, I have stopped contemplating how I'm going to make it through the rest of my seasonal sentence in the Hollywood gulag.

ABC actually has series that people care about, thank God, along with a few that exist to take our abuse. The finale of "Dancing with the Stars," for example. Kelly Monaco's victory inspired a great deal of discussion this morning, which I'll recap later. There's only a small window between now and that session, and we're all fairly testy today, so it should be a good time.

So I'll just share a few details about "Lost," "Alias" and "Desperate Housewives," as revealed to us this morning by ABC's president of entertainment Stephen McPherson, as well as other ABC sources.

-- "Desperate Housewives" premieres Sunday, Sept. 25, at 9 p.m. ("Extreme Makeover: Home Edition" and "Grey's Anatomy" also kick off that night, at 7 and 10 respectively. "Extreme" has a two hour premiere.)

-- McPherson said that ABC is gearing up for sizable marketing campaigns linked to its series. For example, in support of "Desperate," ABC is once again circulating dry cleaning bags with the show's logo on them. As a bonus, random customers will get t-shirts included in their clean laundry.

McPherson did not reveal which markets or dry cleaners would get the bags because ABC is afraid some other network (Fox, I'm looking in your direction) might steal the idea from the Alphabet before they can implement their plans.

He was similarly mysterious as to which other shows will bribe viewers with graft. "I really can't get into it because other people are ripping the ideas off. It's that competitive," he said.

If Seattle is targeted to receive the "Desperate" bags or any other show-related goodies, we'll start seeing them next month and after Labor Day.

-- Rex Van De Kamp really is dead.

-- "Lost" and "Desperate" will each have 23 episode seasons. "Lost's" kicks off Wednesday, Sept. 21 at 9 p.m.

-- McPherson would not guarantee that ABC programming would start and end on time. So any of these shows could end up running longer than an hour this season when warranted.

-- Also, "Lost" fans will be happy to know that a key mystery is finally going to pay off. “Literally, in the very opening show, you will find out what’s in the hatch," McPherson said. "And it’s not like, ‘Oh, we went down, and there another ladder!’ It’s much, much more significant." He went on to say that what Jack and the rest find there will change the dynamic of the entire show.

--Damon Lindelof did not want McPherson to reveal whether the guys on the raft will make it. Or whether anyone is marked for death this season.

"I can’t say that they’ll all live or they all die. But I think, who knows? Many of them are fantastic characters that we probably want to keep around," McPherson said. "That said, when people die on the show, and I think Damon said it, people will be dead. We’re not going to have people reappear."

-- So yes, Virginia, Boone really is dead.

-- "Alias" creator J.J. Abrams intends to incorporate Jennifer Garner's pregnancy into the storyline. Presumably that won't mean standing behind plants or inappropriate restaurant scenes.

"The show runners this year and J.J. are really focused on how to do that and how to make it realistic and not, you know, campy," McPherson said. "J.J. is a master at this stuff. I love the fact that he's embracing it. I think it would be a mistake to hide it.

-- Abrams also knows what makes the show tick: Garner running in her underwear.

-- And jiggling.

-- And fighting.

-- Without shots of Sydney in her underwear, jiggling and fighting, a new hire may be taking over thong duty. "She's going to be mentoring a younger agent, and you'll be able to get some of that, maybe, sex appeal, if you will, in different places."