Hallmark ropes a pope

My hotel room looks like a paper plant exploded. That's what happens around this point in the tour, when networks have spent days bombarding us with press releases, transcripts and...what's the proper catch-all term for miniature dodgeballs, a bottle opener that can double as a hammer, and toys we outgrew decades ago? Oh yes. Crap.

Digging through it this morning, I came across a package. I opened it and found out that -- dear Lord! -- Hallmark, too, will have a pope movie. And it will beat CBS's to the air by a substantial margin. "A Man Who Became Pope," starring nobody you know, premieres on the Hallmark Channel Monday, August 15 at 8.

Enough of CBS. Today we must endure UPN. Say a few Hail Marys for me, will you?