In an effort to maintain a healthy, loving and long relationship with your nanny, its important to start the relationship off right and to care for your nanny throughout your relationship. Here are some tips!

1. Encourage your nanny to attend a nanny support group. Your nanny needs an outlet and it can really help them to process their experiences with other nannies who are having similar experiences.
2. Always have a daily check-in but certainly have a 6 month and annual check-in about overall job satisfaction and experiences.
3. Value your nanny: Remember important anniversary dates: birthdays and date of hire. Celebrate & acknowledge these dates.
4. When you travel longer than a regular work week, utilize hotel sitters to give your nanny some respite.
5. When your nanny first shows up to your house for employment, welcome her into your family. Decorate her room, bake a cake, have a special dinner. Make sure the children are included!
6. Reward your nanny when they do something that stands out.
7. Treat your nanny as part of the co-parent team
8. Don't assume, always inquire. Consult with professionals when issues arise. Don't jump to conclusions!
9. Offer Benefits such as – medical/dental, cell phone, occasional paid day off. Plan for an annual raise and holiday bonus.
10. Use language that empowers and educates your nanny – avoid language that is shaming or judgmental.

www.TheNannyDoctor.com

Top 10 Nanny Safety Tips

1) Know your nanny – conduct a thorough background check and acquire a copy of her or his current driving record.

2) Make sure your nanny is CPR/First Aid certified.

3) Create a House Book – keep a binder in your home with important safety information, such as any pertinent emergency phone numbers, hospital and pediatrician addresses, copies of your children's medical cards, a consent release for your nanny to make decisions in an emergency, etc.

4) Provide your nanny with a cell phone.

5) If your child has allergies, make sure your nanny is well-aware.

6) Be sure your nanny knows your family's emergency plan.

7) Your nanny should always carry your child's medical card, pediatrician's address, and the address of the nearest hospital.

8) First Aid Kits – one for the home, one for your nanny's car, and a travel-size kit for the stroller.

9) Provide a neighborhood map to be kept in your child's stroller.

10) Positive communication is key! You don't want your nanny to be afraid you when an emergency arises.

www.TheNannyDoctor.com

"My nanny told my son, "Scott, you have to listen to me, I am your mommy." is this ever okay to do? when I told her that it was not okay, she got very defensive, told me that she needed to be like that with the kids and that I am at work and she is with them more than me. She did not understand that it was simply the words that I did not like. Also, then she changed her stance and said that she did not say that, she said nanny. i feel like it is obvious that i should fire her but i worry about the effect on my kids. She has only been with us for 4 months. any advice?"

Hello,
Your nanny is absolutely in the wrong here. Her stance and approach is devisive and manipulative and if it continues may harm and confuse your children. Parent & nanny should be working together as a parenting team. It also sounds, at least based on your e-mail she wasn't able to integrate the feedback and concern. Was this due to a language issue between the two of you? Was she scared of you? Sometimes under stress individuals lie and muddle their words.

Now, let's get down to it. You have a couple options here: make it work or plan an appropriate ending. A lot of this depends on the age of the children and your nanny's ego strength. First things first, if you think you can salvage this and she is able to learn from this, then sit down and have a discussion clarifying what is ok and what is not ok. This is not a negotiation- you are the employer stating what you expect.

If she is unable to accept this, then you move to planning an ending. You may also choose to skip right to the ending and not even have a discussion. The best thing to do is have a planned ending. You should speak with the nanny and let her know of your concerns and that you have made a decision that this relationship isn't working out the way you had expected. Think, do you want her to stay for a couple of weeks or a couple of days or a couple of hours?

Plan ahead! Speak with her at the beginning of the work day so that if she just wants to leave the children are present and you are present to manage the situation. Be prepared to stay home that day if necessary. When speaking with her just stick with the facts - make statements that are free from emotion and judgement. If she is able to stay for a few days, or weeks and you feel safe with this and are not worried about her saying or doing harmful things to the children plan a good-bye. Inform the children, decide what you will tell the children. Have a good-bye "party" have the children draw pictures, take a picture of the children with their nanny and give a copy of the pic to the nanny and frame one for each child- nannys are a part of your childs story and children like to hear about who took care of them. Talk about favorite memories, events,etc. Answer the children's questions about where the nanny is going, or why the nanny is going in the least angry and judgemental way possible. They need to understand that they didn't do anything wrong and this is part of a natural transition, a change.

Now, if there is to be an ending, you will need to consider if you will pay severence, if you will write a letter of reference, etc.

Best of luck, please let me know if you have any further questions!

Hello, The Nanny Doctor consulting services were featured in the Style section of the San Francisco Chronicle today! Here's a link to the story!

http://www.sfgate.com/cgi-bin/article.cgi?f=/c/a/2008/04/20/LVC9101A3C.DTL

As a parent, especially a new parent, you may be concerned about leaving your child with a caregiver other than yourself. As a result of these concerns, you may think about using a nanny cam. This is a delicate issue that should be handled in a sensitive manner. There are not only legal issues to consider but also the impact on your relationship with your nanny. In addition to the laws, you may want to think about how this may affect your relationship with your nanny. Trust is very important in this unique relationship and needs to be nurtured. If you are to go with a nanny cam, you should discuss this with your interview candidates prior to hiring (in the interview) and once hired, have the nanny sign a document stating that they are aware of the "hidden camera." This way you are hiring someone who you know is comfortable with this practice.

The short answer is it is legal to use a hidden camera in all 50 states, however it is illegal to record someone's speech in 15 states (including California) without their consent. California Video recording of "confidential communications" is prohibited without consent.

The laws of 13 states expressly prohibit the unauthorized installation or use of cameras in private places. In California, installation or use of any device for photographing, observing or overhearing events or sounds in a private place without the permission of the people photographed or observed is against the law. A private place is one where a person may reasonably expect to be safe from unauthorized surveillance.

Consider that studies and polls show that many care providers are not necessarily against video taping of child-provider interaction, it's just that they want to know about it. It seems to be a matter of trust and feeling of deception. Some parents handle the situation by telling a potential care provider upfront that a nanny cam will be used so that they can feel comfortable and confident about their child's care. It's then up to the nanny to accept or decline the position with a family who uses a nanny cam.

Something else you may want to look into is www.howsmynanny.com. A site where you can sign up for a license plate for your stroller so that if someone sees something while your nanny is out and about that is either favorable or unfavorable, it can be reported using the stroller plate, you then receive an e-mail immediately with the posted report! These "license plates" may also be used in such a way that people may report loving, wonderful interactions between your nanny and child, and you may use these reports as reasons to provide your nanny with an incentive or bonus.

www.TheNannyDoctor.com

The extend version of my Better TV interview has recently been posted on YouTube! Take a look!

HowsMyNanny.com is a service run by a New York City prosecutor of child abuse and sex crimes who is also a mother of two. Through this site, parents can now purchase a license plate for their strollers that enables the public to anonymously report good or bad nanny observations. Registered parents instantaneously receive an email alerting them to the confidential report. Featured on Good Morning America, Fox News National and endorsed in New York's Daily News, HowsMyNanny.com has been hailed "an honest solution to a tough problem."

People often inquire how the system can deter fraud (i.e. a nanny sending a false report on another nanny whose job she covets). The system has three safeguards on it to deter fraud:

a. The person making the report has to give the date, time and location of the incident they observed. This makes it less likely that a prankster will try to submit a random report as they would not know which state the member lives in.

b. While the person making a report can choose to remain anonymous to the parent/member receiving the report, in order to make a report, the reporter must provide their name, email address and phone number to the site manager. Therefore, while we call it an"anonymous report", no one is ever truly anonymous.

c. If the same email address makes a report (good or bad) 3 or more times, the site manager is automatically notified so they can investigate the matter.

d. Parents are often pleased to hear that the majority of the reports received since the inception of HowsMyNanny.com have been "not anonymous". This means the reporter provided the parent/member with their
contact information so that they could follow up if necessary.

They are working with the INA (International Nanny Association) and NANC (National Association of Nanny Care) to educate parents on how to effectively interview a nanny and to improve communication between the nanny and parent. Nannies understand that this service benefits the good nanny as the praise reports can lead to bonuses and better communication. It is their hope that the service will ultimately weed out the bad nannies as well.

Jill often tells parents that the license plate acts as a deterrent to any harmful or negligent behavior. In the truck driving industry, when they started putting the How's My Driving bumper sticker on the back of trucks, the rate of truck related accidents went down by 20-53%. Drivers realized that because they were now accountable, they had to drive more safely or risk being reported. That in and of itself is the reason all parents with nannies or babysitters should have the plate on their stroller. Having the plate encourages nannies to behave safely.

They have been informed by various "Mommy and Me" type classes that the teachers occasionally observe behavior by the nannies that is less than appropriate. These facilities have informed us that they do not make it a practice to notify the parent (if they see the parent) because they do not want to make the parent feel uncomfortable and not want to return to the establishment. These facilities encourage the use of the HowsMyNanny.com license plate to facilitate communication in these situations.

Jill Starishevsky is interested in learning how many parents would like a HowsMyNanny.com bumper magnet for their car. Some of the suburban moms have asked for this for the nannies that take the children in the car and we are looking to see if there is a need for this addition to the service. They have been working with a car seat safety expert who is encouraging them to implement the bumper magnet in an effort to improve car seat safety and to deter nannies from talking on the cell phone while driving with children in the car. If you have an interest in this, please comment here!

The First 3 weeks to 3 months

Whether you are a parent or a nanny, all caregivers should be aware of ways to teach kids to stay safe! Pattie Fitzgerald from Safely Ever After, Inc. is a certified Child Predator Safety Educator and is also certified by the National Security Alliance/Kid-Safe Network. Her articles have been published in numerous parenting magazines, trade journals and websites. Check out http://www.safelyeverafter.com/ for more important safety tips!

Here are 10 Family Safety Rules! that nannies and parents should use when teaching kids about staying safe! Courtesy of Safely Ever After, Inc.

1. I AM SPECIAL & I have the right to be SAFE!
2. I know my NAME, ADDRESS, and PHONE NUMBER and my parents' names too!
3. I never go ANYWHERE or take anything from someone I don't know.
4. I always CHECK FIRST to get permission before I go anywhere or get into a car, even if it's with someone I know!
5. My bathing suit areas are PRIVATE!
6. I don't always have to be POLITE!
7. I can YELL "NO!" and tell a safe grown-up when something just doesn't feel right.
8. I don't keep SECRETS!
9. I know what to do if I ever get LOST.
10. I always PAY ATTENTION TO MY OWN INNER VOICE, especially that "uh-oh" feeling.

Today The New York Times Magazine looked at the science of unstructured play and its value to our children. Check it out here!

http://www.nytimes.com/2008/02/17/magazine/17play.html?sq=play&st=nyt&scp=3&pagewanted=all