I've been a bit behind here….. I have about ˝ dozen interesting interviews I need to write up, and a lot of relevant info for Starteruppers, yet I am going to do something different today. I'm going to tell the truth. Or A truth. Maybe a more universal truth than anyone really wants to hear.

I've been warned against it many times, and every time I do tell the truth I have to duck and cover for a while. But, I can't help it. As my favorite t-shirt says, "Pavlov Was Wrong." Some people never learn. (Okay, I made that t-shirt for myself…..)

I just got a voicemail from a friend that I love and respect very much. This friend has a company that I believe, from the bottom of my heart, is one of the best ones floating around the circuit today. It has every single thing that a successful company needs – brand, product, distribution platforms all of which can "easily" build a huge library of unique content and user base of many millions in a variety of demographics – perfect for acquisition by a larger company. Very little cost to implement, this could be one of those many-X exits that people want.

They have 2 weeks of runway left, then the doors close, for good.

I listened to the message while I was making coffee this morning. And I cried.

Truth #1 - We have emotions. We do FEEL these things. We feel the highs when we think something might go well, and we feel the lows when it's all falling apart. As a result, we laugh and we cry. All of us. Sometimes it's with friends, sometimes it's in the shower alone, but those of us who are hanging ourselves out on the line, building dreams and using other people's time and money to do it, investing our identities and futures in it - we're all on the verge of tears or laughter, sometimes both at the same time. Building a new company is the rough equivalent of standing in Times Square naked and handing out bows and arrows to everyone who walks by. It's okay to be scared - it's even okay to admit it - as long as you keep going. I would never invest in an entrepreneur who told me they were never scared. That person is either a liar or completely delusional.

Truth # 2 - We know that we're not supposed to tell you these things. We're supposed to look everyone in the eye, all the time and say, "It's going great. We've passed 2 really important milestones that position us for an A round at a 700M pre-money valuation and people are talking to us. We've got good buzz." When I have, here and there, mentioned in this blog that raising money is REALLY hard, I have, every single time, gotten calls from friends who say, "Alyssa, you can't let anyone know that it's hard. No one wants to know that anyone else said no to you, they won't invest then." That's the silliest thing I've ever heard. Isn't it just obvious that not everyone says yes?

Truth # 3 - People say NO all the time. And you know what, that's okay! In fact, it would be really nice if people did that more often. In startup circles, we call it the "long slow no," and this morning, thinking about my friend's company, I started calling it "death by delay." Raising money for a startup is like dating. It's exactly the same thing - well, without the promise of nookie at the end. (Maybe.) Just because one boy (or girl) doesn't like you doesn't mean that you aren't cute, smart, funny and worthy. It just means that it wasn't the right match. It kinda gets down to chemistry - just like dating - either you have it with an investor or you don't. It's no big deal. Same thing goes from the other side - just because one investor didn't like a company doesn't mean it's a stinker. Did you marry the first person you dated? Did your spouse / partner date anyone before you? Same thing. We take a lot of meetings, meet with a lot of people. For an investor / investee love match to be made you need to have great chemistry, shared interest, shared beliefs in the business you are pursuing, enough similar experience to understand the issues at hand AND it has to be the right time. So if someone says NO, it's usually because something in that equation is missing. It is not a reflection on the company or the entrepreneur, it's a result of the plain and simple truth that there is A LOT that has to line up. Just like dating - one little thing can throw it off. It's nothing more than that. And at the core of it all, it's about personal chemistry. Which is NOT a reflection on the overall worth of the company, the entrepreneur OR the investor.

Truth # 4 - That's why we want you to say NO. We won't take it personally. Entrepreneurs have the god-given gift of exactly enough delusion to believe we're fabulous even if you don't. It takes an enormous amount of time to seduce an investor. Please spare us if you know it's going nowhere. That's what we call the long-slow-no. Death by delay. Most of us don't have much money, so our time is our money. The time that we spend chasing potential investors down is time we're not spending building our companies - or chasing down investors who are actually going to invest. Don't lead us on. Please. HOWEVER, remembering that just 'cuz it isn't right for you doesn't mean it isn't right for someone else, please do hook us up with your friends. It's okay to say, "I don't really get it, but it may have potential and you might get it." "Sloppy seconds," while lame in dating, are just fine in the business world. It's a shared opportunity.

Truth # 5 - We will hire you service providers who provide great service as soon as we have the money to do so. 'Nuff said.

Truth # 6 - It takes all types. We have the courage. We find people with the experience, the money, the connections to get it done. We don't expect everyone to be as courageous as we are, but sometimes it would be really nice if someone could acknowledge that at the head of every industry changing company out there, there was an entrepreneur with courage and commitment. And, in turn, we'll acknowledge that we would be NOWHERE, without investment and team to make it all come true.

Truth # 7 - We love what we do. We put ourselves out there because we love it. Even as we all say these things (and everyone I know says these things) we are happy and wouldn't go get "a real job" for all the security in the world. I have yet to meet an angry and bitter entrepreneur - just a little frustrated that we are not allowed to admit how hard this is. We are not superheroes.

Every day, we are all inspired by the entrepreneurs in our community. Most of us know each other - at least as names on email lists. This is a tight community of incredible people who are trying to not only solve big business puzzles, but help each other out. Honestly, I am humbled every day by the stories and knowledge that are shared on various email lists and in various startup-junkie support groups in bars across the city.

When we watch each other die, we feel it. It sends shivers down our collective spine - there but for the grace of "god" go I.

When I started this blog it was for the sole intention of creating DIALOG - honest dialog - between entrepreneurs and investors. Helping each other see what's really going on in our worlds so that we can understand each other better, work together better, change the world together. Just like any relationship, the ability to communicate is the key. And at the core of that needs to be trust and honesty.

I am choosing to trust the community out there that we can handle the honesty. It's scary to be an entrepreneur. It's scary to invest money in unknown things. It's hard to be a pioneer - no matter which side of the equation you're on.

But when it all works, it's amazing, isn't it?

So, you go on a lot of blind dates. Some of them work, some of them don't. But I remain convinced that there is a match for everyone. For every investor there is a company. For every company, there are investors. We just have to figure out how to find each other.

As for the dating thing…. I'm a sucker for love. I'm happy to hook you up if I know someone for you. Right now, however, I'm determined to find the money for my friend's company. It's a winner…..
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Alyssa Royse is the founder of Just Cause It, and also wants you to know that just because entrepreneurs sometimes take the day off and turn off their phones, doesn't mean they're "slacking," they're just trying to refuel their psyches enough to keep going with renewed vigor. Oh, and that telling the truth is the only way you will know if you love me and I love you, business or pleasure, those are the relationships I want to have.