I surprised myself last night by feeling happy to see Richie Sexson back in the lineup. As most of you know, he was out on Wednesday due to an unspecified family emergency. Maybe it's just because I'm feeling vulnerable with regards to families, but I was really glad that whatever took him away suddenly wasn't too serious. At least not serious enough to keep him out for more than a day.

But as I thought about it, I realized my feelings were not all good. Because while I do think Sexson is genuinely a nice guy and I wish him well, I'm rarely excited to see him up to bat. That wasn't a factor in my reaction to seeing him last night- it's horrifying to realize, but I don't know that I was honestly expecting offense out of anybody, so Sexson didn't trigger the usual rally killer dread. This is a whole team full of rally killers right now. I'm almost at the point where my expectations for this offense are so low, I don't even bother to hope for the best lineup. And from the looks of it, there was no hope in any of the players either. When they are visibly dragging themselves through the motions of at-bats in the fifth inning, that's not a very good sign.

But it ended up being a good thing Sexson was there- he provided the only entertaining moments of the entire depressing game. Did you see it? It wasn't a "fight" so much an oddly juvenile charge; it reminded me of when Ralphie ran at Scott Farkus in "A Christmas Story". There was something very fifth grade about it, especially the fact that he started out by throwing his batting helmet at poor little Kason. (Incidentally, do you think sportswriters across the nation have worn out the "Kason Goes Rolling Along" headlines yet?) I really hate fighting, and this was especially odd, since, as my mother put it, isn't it traditional to wait until you actually get hit to charge the mound?

That helmet throwing bit just killed me. It was just so ridiculous/sad/hilarious/desperate/out of nowhere. It's the kind of thing that would have been super funny to me if my sense of humor hadn't already been completely drained by sleep deprivation and general baseball- related despair. Where do we go from here? If Richie's bizarro attempt to light a fire under this team didn't do the trick, then what hope do we have left? I'm only partially joking, throwing a batting helmet at someone is as good as any idea I can come up with.

On a more personal note, thanks for the kind comments to yesterday's post regarding my absence. I was truly surprised and pleased that I was missed, and as always you guys are great commenters. I don't get paid by the P-I; I'm just a regular Joe like you who tries to post in between working and dealing with a frighteningly smart three-year-old. (Yeah, I'm not a full time housewife anymore, but I like the blog title so I'm keeping it.) I think if I was an employee the P-I would update things during a long absence, but as things stand it's just up to me. So I will try to be more on top of keeping things updated!

I tend to think that one of the most hilarious and bizarre afflictions of the twenty-first century is excessive self-imposed blog guilt- that whole "sorry I haven't posted in forever, I feel terrible, I'm a bad blogger, I hate myself and you all must hate me too" kind of thing when the truth is, realistically, does anyone but me actually care about this blog? It seems unnecessarily self-important to think so, but I'm sorry I irritated that last commenter.

The situation is this- my family has been really ill. There you have it. I don't want to go into the details, but the fact is, as much as I love the Mariners, there have been things in my life that are more urgent and more upsetting. Which is kind of saying a lot, because WOW are the Mariners upsetting right now. Sadly that's the way the world works. So, I apologize.

Moving on. Um, what the heck is going on with this team? We are awful. I mean, we are awful. I don't even know how else to say it. This season is just hurtful. I am sickened and confused. What has happened to our offense? And come to think of it, what has happened to our defense? Where are we going? How can we be this far back already, when this first part of the season was going to be our chance to shine? I'm bewildered.

Nobody is even going to Safeco to watch these guys. I'm ashamed to admit this, but even I have let getting tickets to a game slide down my priority list for the summer. I can't help but feel like there's this overwhelming sense that this team is never going to be any good. I'm not saying that's how I personally feel... I'm just saying that I think the general public is no longer optimistic, or even paying attention. Reading some of the comments over on John Hickey's blog, the general feeling is that this team was way overhyped. I agree, and I think that makes the sting of our miserable performance that much worse.

As painful as it is for us the fans, it's got to be a billion times worse for the players. They're sitting on the worst record in the AL, and if we're being realistic there's no immediate relief in sight, and they still have a hundred and twenty-five more times to do this. How can they stop themselves from just giving up? I don't envy McLaren right now, that's for sure.

At this point, it's hard to muster up optimism for this season, and that's not good. Something big has to change here but I don't know what it's going to be. It's already tough to be a Mariners fan; this spring is making it a lot tougher.

I am without internet access almost entirely until the 23rd of April! I'm not sure how I'm going to handle it- I'm not even going to know how poorly the offense does against the A's confusing pitching staff! That's being unfair actually, Friday and Saturday's games against the Angels were fun and exciting. I'm going to hold on to the belief that those were not the last fun and exciting games of the season.

But anyhow, I wouldn't want you to think I was abandoning these guys. I am going to be in Puerto Rico for another week so I will be completely out of the loop. So tell me what I missed when I get back, ok? Wait let me amend that- tell me what I missed if it's good. Otherwise I'll cling to my ignorance and just pick up where I leave off. Here's hoping we'll have a lot to talk about.

So much for that whole idea of starting out strong against weak opponents and getting a jump on first place. Things have looked pretty ugly for this team during the series with Baltimore. Come to think of it, it's not like we were ripping it up against the Rangers either.

The bullpen is having a rough time, sure, but there's a lot more going on here. Or should I say, there's not enough going here. The defense looks confused and shaky. It reminds me of myself after I take my allergy medicine and then fall asleep, and when I wake up I'm like, "...huh? ...wha? ...where are my glasses?" like a perturbed old man.

But the serious problem here is the offense. They've really been hitting the snooze button on the "time to produce some runs" alarm. It's making me pretty nervous and it's making the whole bullpen look terrible. If the only way we are producing runs is by hitting home runs at Camden Yards, that's a really frightening sign.

But in the midst of my unhappiness with the way this season is starting out, I'm detecting another, more positive thought. See, the thing is, even if we're losing, at this point it feels good just to watch baseball again. The baseball season is so long, and we're only a few games in. There's a good chance we may look back on this and chuckle over our slow start. If we were football fans and our team was 2-5, we might be pretty justified in giving up on the season. But we're lucky enough to be baseball fans, and we can bask in the fact that Batista will have plenty of opportunities to redeem himself, Washburn will have several chances to keep his pitch count below a hundred in the first three innings, and there will be many times that Betancourt will go an entire game without an error.

Am I really saying this? Baseball optimism in the face of truly subpar play is so not my style. Maybe I'm getting more mature. Maybe I'm learning to handle the idea of baseball being a marathon rather than a sprint. Maybe I'm coming to terms with the fact that I can't see into the future and I've just got to keep hoping for the best.

Or maybe this is the first sign of a brain tumor. Someone should probably watch over me for more signs of erratic behavior, just in case.

If there's one thing I know about myself, it's that I am a terrible snap-judgement-maker when it comes to baseball. My immediate responses to just about everything are extreme and emotional, and I can be completely disgusted one minute and utterly elated the next. It's just how I am when I watch the game. But I'm not a completely irrational person (not the "not completely" there), and I sometimes (ok, often) find that my first response isn't always the one that sticks with me.

Now that I've had time to think it over, I have to agree with some of you commenters that my initial reaction to Bedard's performance on Monday was too harsh. To indicate that he was disappointing would be an unfair overstatement. I agree with nullbull, the strike zone was straight up bizarre. By the end of the game I had kind of forgotten that part, even though I had been commenting on it to my husband throughout the first five innings. There were at least a couple of pitches that should have been strike three, but instead got called as balls. Sure, some of Texas's defensive errors could have gone the other way and we may have lost based on that, but the umpiring at home plate could have been more consistent too, and that would have changed things in our favor.

And theedge98074, I think you are correct when you say that Bedard turned in a gritty performance. He was under a ton of pressure, he wasn't getting the calls he was expecting, and it would have been easy for him to fall apart, but he didn't. His pitch count got high, but yeah, one earned run- and just a solo homer at that- is nothing to sneeze at. Now I don't agree with you that Felix is a punk, I think he's got his own style and he managed to get out of some ugly jams last night. But overall your point is a good one.

Part of the reason I felt like Bedard was weak was because I was expecting him to just completely dominate. I was expecting to see something on par with Felix's Opening Day outing against the A's last year. And while that didn't happen, I have to remember that good doesn't always equal flashy. I'm feeling pretty happy about Bedard at the moment, and I'd like to think he's going to keep growing on me. I'll put away my Jump To Conclusions mat now.

So madmatriarch, I'm sorry to hear that you couldn't see the game on tv! cmh is right, the issue is that FSN is broadcasting all of the games now, whereas last year some of them were on regular old network tv, even down here in Portland. If you have a laptop you can hook it up to watch via the tv, but otherwise it looks like you're stuck on your computer. Frustrating, I know!

And by the way, last night was awful. I for one am not blaming pitching- where's this situational hitting I keep hearing about? My feelings are hurt on behalf of Jeff Pentland.

I am imagining us looking back at the end of this season, thinking about how this game against the Rangers was a microcosm of what to expect from the whole season: tough, a little ugly, but ultimately rewarding. There were definitely some serious shortcomings today. Bedard's outing sure felt like a lot more than a one-earned-run performance. I can't imagine anyone was thrilled with our base running. Our offense looked a little shaky, and for that matter so did our defense.

And yet... we won! We won, we won, we didn't lose! It certainly wasn't a cakewalk, but that just makes it a little sweeter. We hung in there, we beat the intensely unattractive Rangers, and we find ourselves alone atop the AL West standings. I'm not ashamed, I'm going to savor that feeling.

Overall there wasn't too much about today that was surprising, except that Bedard was weaker than I expected and our bullpen was stronger. Here's hoping that Bedard has now given up fifteen percent of the home runs he's going to give up all season. I was happy to see Sean Green looking pretty strong again, and it's always fun to watch JJ pitch. Once our offense came alive it was easy to find the bright spots in the pitching.

One thing struck me though- Ben Broussard, why so very very angry? I mean, I understand to some extent. Here he's playing against his former team; he's a starter now while he never was in Seattle and he'd probably like to rub our faces in what we're missing. But man, he went to Texas and got awfully mean. I want to take him aside and talk to him about how if he uses all his energy for hatred and saying audible swear words on tv, of course he's going to strike out multiple times in a game. Jeez man, locate the zen ok?

The season is underway, and we can start to get excited now. Because if my prediction is right and this does turn out to be a harbinger of what to expect in the coming six months, we're in for quite a ride. It's not going to be boring, that's for sure!

It's here it's here it's here!! Yay!!! Go Mariners! Wheeeeee!!!!

It has finally arrived. Here we are, mere hours away from Opening Day. We've got our big name pitcher ready, we've had a fairly productive spring, and there's even a little national buzz about this team surprising everybody as a dark horse playoff contender. So the big question is, are you excited?

Are you? I guess I am... I think so. Why am I finding myself plagued with ambivalence? On the one hand, it's always good to have baseball back. It's nice to look forward to watching the games on a regular basis again, seeing the old faces that I've missed over the winter and getting used to the new ones. But on the other hand, we're dealing with the conundrum of being considered (by some) to be capable of contending for a playoff spot, which is a mixed blessing.

I can't really remember what it's like to go into a season with high hopes. It hasn't actually happened it a while, and frankly it makes me slightly uncomfortable. I like to go with the Lloyd Dobler philosophy- if you start out depressed, everything's kind of a pleasant surprise.

I'm not going to get too worked up though. It's not like everyone's picking us to win the division, there are just a few folks out there who haven't completely ruled it out. In fact, if you saw the PI season preview today, you saw several articles that could essentially have been titled "don't get your hopes up." So I resolve that I won't get my hopes up... until all of a sudden I do get my hopes up, which is almost inevitable. Unless of course we start out like it's 2004 all over again, which is completely possible.

Jeez, anything's possible- even winning. Scary, isn't it?

It's pretty well-known that baseball is a ridiculously superstitious sport. In the face of this fact, it's hard to think of a dumber thing to do than openly laughing at your opponent's misfortune. If you want to invite destiny to come and deal you a more disastrous hand than the one just handed to your division rival, that's definitely the way to do it. So I am going to try really really hard to stop feeling happy about the Angels and their pitching woes.

The fact is, even before the LAA's of A lost their top two pitchers to injuries, there were a couple of other things going on that made me want to smile at someone else's bad luck- the entire National League's bad luck, to be specific. The fearsome Johan Santana is now their problem you see. We might run into him during interleague play this year, but for the most part, we only have to worry about him if we end up playing the Mets in the World Series. (Which is surely not an impossibility, but we'll have a tremendous amount of worry to deal with before that regardless, so let's not jump ahead.)

I feel similarly about Dan Haren. When rumors of his trade to the Diamondbacks started floating around, my brother the D-backs fan called me up to see what I thought. "You would be happy to have him on your team," I replied. "And I would be happy to have him on your team." Any time the A's get rid of a decent pitcher is a happy day for me. And Haren was probably the one I feared the most, although I'm not one hundred percent sure statistics back me up here. I just always felt like he was a not-quite-as-scary Zito, but without the high probability of a mental breakdown.

So the recent news that John Lackey is out until at least May, coupled with Kelvim Escobar's absence through the month of April, is not unwelcome. No point in getting too gleeful, however. Sure, John Lackey is hands down my least favorite pitcher in the world to see the M's face. I will never never forget the night of August 27, 2007, when the Angels kicked the Mariners really, really hard in the shins and stole our ball and laughed, and they were led by Mr. Lackey. So yeah, I'm not exactly weeping that he'll be sitting out at recess for a while.

But of course, while this gives the Angels a somewhat smaller probability of winning, it in no way guarantees that the Mariners will in fact produce victories on their own. I'm going to need a lot more to be convinced that the M's can actually do this. There are a lot of if's on this team, a lot of factors that really need to go exactly right, and a lot of things that could go very very wrong. So it wouldn't do to tempt fate by boldly smirking about what the Angels are going through. Which is while I am only doing it secretly.

I have been on a self-imposed blogging strike until Ichiro got his first spring training hit. But once I got the emails announcing this year's commercials, I was thinking I might have to break it, because I have to comment on the commercials. But since when has Ichiro been the sort to let me down? The commercials came out on Wednesday night, and lo and behold, Ichiro got a hit on Thursday afternoon. Hurrah! He's one for twenty-two folks, let the batting title chatter begin! And I'm only partly kidding. Oh look, in the time it took me to type that, he just got another hit against the Rockies.

I love the Mariners commercials way more than I can admit without seeming like a total dork. Oh, you already know what a nerd I am you say? Well good, then let's just call it as it is- the commercials are practically my favorite part of the spring. I count down the days until I get that special Mariners Mail announcing their premiere. There was one year when they were going to be premiered during a televised spring training game, and down here in Portland they showed a Blazers game that night instead, so I pouted for the entire evening. In fact I actually shed a few tears. It was not graceful.

So have you watched them yet? If not, they are here. Watch them first, then come back and we'll talk.

Ok, so what did you think? See, there are a few elements that are absolutely vital to a successful baseball commercial. First of all, it has to have some charm and personality. Obviously this is easier if the player himself is actually charming- lucky for us, the M's have no shortage of charm (e.g. Yoons, Felix, Joh, the entire infield, most of the pitching staff, all the guys in the outfield, the coaches...) Can you imagine how hard it would be coming up with ways to make, say, the Angels look charming? You'd have to have seven commercials with Chone Figgins and Torii Hunter, and then maybe one with a joke about scowling all the time. Sheesh.

The ad also has to joke around while still indicating that the player we're joking about is a really good player. Here's where I think this year's batch really shines- Felix's amazing mustache, Beltre's completely nonchalant ability to catch any ball within a three mile radius, and of course Ichiro just being rad.

The other element, and one that's toughest to nail down, is that there has to be a modicum of acting talent at work here. The players have to make these absurd situations seem somewhat natural. Some players are great at this- Bret Boone is a stellar baseball commercial actor for example, and was there ever anyone more adorable than Edgar? Not everyone can pull it off. This year though, we didn't seem to have any misfires. I think Felix has what it takes to be a baseball ad superstar, and I am very fond of Miguel Batista's dance work in "Fungo". Also, I am completely enamored with Yoons in this "Magician" ad, he's got a great understated comic style. He's like the Bob Newhart of Mariner commercials.

This year, I think a special mention has to go to Richie Sexson as Most Improved. His first year was amateurish at best, but he was working with some pretty poor material. Remember the 2005 infomercial series? You can watch them here, but I wouldn't really recommend it. I remember last year thinking that his work had greatly improved, and this year his well-timed, deadpan delivery of "win what?" at the end of "Fullness and Sheen" made me giggle. You've come a long way, Richie.

So basically, I could not choose my favorite. "Yuni the Magician" is a great concept, and is well executed. "Pepe" has two major things going for it- first off, Jose Vidro is better than expected, and second, it features Jeff Pentland who you know I adore. "L-Screen" is awesome for the fact that they made two guys carry Beltre onto the field while he's sitting in a folding chair. "Fullness and Sheen" makes me giggle like an idiot. "Slide Show" is admittedly slightly weaker, but they've always got to have one with the new guys, and the thing about Earl was funny to me. "Fungo" is the one where they make the guys act like idiots, which I'm always for. And "Hit the Target"- come on, it's Ichiro! All the Ichiro ads are great!

And by the way, in the time it took me to write the above couple of paragraphs, Ichiro got another hit against the Rockies- a two-run homer, in fact. Spring is officially rocking.