What is a Sex-Positive Family? (And how do I get one?)

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Babeland, the family-friendly (or at least not-at-all creepy) sex store on Seattle's Capitol Hill, is coordinating Sexy Mama Bloggers throughout the month of May. Why? Because what better way to celebrate Mother's Day than to celebrate the thing that got most moms in this position in the first place? (If you're scratching your head and trying to recall just what precisely that thing is, clearly you're a mom, and clearly this topic is timely.)

Babeland is providing products to give away (for YOU), products to review (for ME), as well as various blogging topics to get the juices flowing. Today's theme is Sex-Positive Families, and I have to admit it's a new term for me, one that doesn't roll trippingly off the tongue. Though, if I think about it, I'm quite certain I came from one.

Sex was a topic in my family from an early age. I don't recall any cringing, awkward birds-and-bees conversations, but I do recall talking about sex--a lot. Mostly because my parents made references to sex (well not SEX per se, but you know) all the time. "Love pats" (pats or tweaks on the butt) were common. As were sex jokes, sex puns, and sex books (I remember sneaking The Joy of Sex off my parents' book shelf with my friends). I also recall a couple of anatomically interesting toys (a Santa figurine who showed a bit more than good will) and a T-shirt with the bold caption KEEP ON STREAKIN' with a bunch of cartoon people of all shapes and sizes walking across it--naked. (Dad only brought out that shirt on special occasions.)

My family did talk seriously about sex sometimes too. My brother and I, of course, knew the proper names of our various parts. And my Camp Fire group attended a mother-daughter sex education talk hosted by Planned Parenthood when I was probably eleven or twelve. And, of course, I remember the response to the age-old kid's question: "Mom, Dad, what is sex?"

"It's something special shared between two people who love each other," my folks said quite simply.

(A fantastic response for kids, I'd say, though I'm not sure all adults would agree on the love part...but those are hairs to be split when the Bungle of Joy is a tad older than two-years-old.)

Now, I know we don't really want to think about our kids being sexual--just as kids cringe thinking of their parents being sexual--but I think a Sex-Positive Family for me means presenting sex as a normal, healthy, happy part of life. Because, after all, that's what I believe sex should be. Not taboo. Not creepy. Not full of shame and insecurity and fear. Though I suspect we all pick up a bit of that sex baggage from the weird way our culture views sex anyway.

The ultimate goal, I suppose, is that my Bungle of Joy will have a happy, healthy, orgasmic sex life someday.

Some long, distant, far-off, waaaaaay down the road someday...

Happily even after,
janna
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Posted by at May 1, 2008 4:43 p.m.
Categories: moms like sex too, parenting, SEX

Comments

#124141

Posted by Disa at 5/1/08 6:36 p.m.

~ my mother used to refer to our various "bits" using icelandic terminology.
~ my barbie dolls were whore-ish nymphomaniacs.
~ i just found out today that pink floyd's lyrics "...if you don't eat your meat, you cant have any pudding, how can you have any pudding if you don't eat your meat?" was a reference to something vulgar (i will be 33 in july).
~ i'm screwed.

~ (i hope).

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#125199

Posted by Susan Metters at 5/5/08 12:20 p.m.

My parents were schizo when it came to sex. On the one hand they talked about it from an early age so that we were informed. I remember in 4th grade when they did the first bit of sex education I was one of the very few kids who had already heard it all. (Keep in mind they didn't cover much at all in 4th grade, just the very basic basics, so it's not like it knew it ALL. I just knew the basic basics already.) They presented it as a normal, acceptable part of life.

But later when we got older and actually started to experiment - even with mild stuff like kissing - my parents couldn't handle it. They completely freaked. Then they told us not to do it and laid on the guilt. So apparently they were comfortable with TELLING us how it all worked, they just weren't comfortable with us DOING it, at any level, at all.

I am definitely not going to do that to my kids!!!

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#128215

Posted by unregistered user at 5/13/08 10:01 a.m.

Just out of curiousity, what did you parents tell you about STDs? Or the possibility of getting pregnant? I am in agreement about viewing sex positively and without baggage, but when an activity can have dangerous outcomes, how do you balance the positive message with the warnings?

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#128224

Posted by Janna Cawrse at 5/13/08 10:34 a.m.

Great question. This overview of sex, as something between 2 people who love each other, came early on. Then came the more nitty-gritty sex talks as I got older...that Planned Parenthood thing with moms and daughters in my Camp Fire Group, and of course in school. The pregnancy and STD issues came up in those talks. By the time I reached middle school and high school, I knew very well that sex had serious risks. This was also the time when AIDS was becoming a talked about issue. So there was that risk, which I was well-informed about, as well.

And I think my mom made it clear that if I was thinking of having sex, I should talk to her about it. Which, amazingly, I did. BEFORE having sex. And she was, again, very detailed about risks of STDs and pregnancy then. And she said, "Well, if you decide you're going to, then we'll get you some protection and get you into the obgyn and get you on the pill." Eventually, when I did become sexually active, that's what happened. I don't think it was easy for her, but she handled it with grace and practicality and without freaking out. So I was comfortable coming back to her for more info and birth control help when I did start having sex. (With, by the way, I guy I loved and dated seriously for 3 1/2 years...so the love message did actually stick.)

Thanks for the question! These are important things to talk about...

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