Posted by Iblis at 5/21/08 6:49 p.m.

""Do you ever wish you were not the breadwinner? 75 percent answered 'yes.'" the website reported."

Guess some women are starting to learn why men die at a younger age. The constant pressure to succeed and be the breadwinner. Keeping up with the Jones'. Buying more non-essential crap, instead of working on the emotional/spiritual well being of the family members.

Did buying that new SUV really improve your life ladies, or was it just another one-upmanship thing to separate yourself from your nieghbors and peers?

Posted by USAGYM08 at 5/21/08 6:57 p.m.

So you're assuming they are working just to pay for more goodies, and not for personal and/or career satisfaction? Chances are if they're bringing home more than their husbands, they have high-level positions and wouldn't dream of giving those up.

The stress they feel (if you'rll read the piece) is within the relationship.

Posted by jope at 5/21/08 9:12 p.m.

I wonder in how many cases the husband is, frankly speaking, kinduva bum. I know more couples fitting that description, than I know couples where both are hard-working but the woman makes more or the man stays home with the kids. Point being: Supporting a lazy-ass partner is hell on the relationship, regardless of gender.

Posted by unregistered user at 5/21/08 11:05 p.m.

Did the fact that I make 3x what my husband makes put stress on our marriage? Yes, at the beginning. It still sometimes comes up, but we've accepted the reality of the situation. I have a master's and work in high-tech. My husband has a HS diploma (barely) and works in maintenance. He loves his job, I tolerate mine. Do I wish we could switch breadwinner roles? Often. Is that going to happen? Nope. So, since we love each other we work it out.

And no, Iblis, we don't own an SUV. Our two children go to public school. But we do own our own house, and and the two (older) vehicles we have we own free and clear. If I didn't work, we wouldn't own a house, and on his salary we probably couldn't afford rent anywhere we wanted to live. While our children were young, he stayed home with them and they therefore have a very close relationship with their Daddy, even as teens.

Posted by unregistered user at 5/22/08 4:19 a.m.

There is one critical aspect missing to in this survey report...as well as with some of the posts. It centers on the security of the man, first and foremost. Did he enter into the relationship feeling he had to be the "big dog"...that he was the caveman-type, that only he could bring home the bacon?! C'mon, guys...nut-up!! It's 2008, for crying out loud! My wife has made more than me for the last 8 years, and I'm thrilled for her...and she's thrilled for the great stuff I do for her and our family, as well. What is odd about that?

The only reason there is any disappointment from a man is because he's either jealous or insecure (or, yes, I agree--lazy). BUT...he should be capable of expressing his happiness at his wife's success; build her up and show her that you're truly happy for her great contribution to the marriage.

The problem is most marriages are blindly started with sex-only on the brain ("Gee, someone will actually have me!") or based on vanity and unreal expectations. If a couple builds their relationship on true friendship first--like they've been doing with friends of their own gender all their lives--then they wouldn't even be in this situation.

Women, for heaven's sake, keep achieving the success that you do. It's the caveman mentality that holds marriages back!

Posted by SeattleRaven at 5/22/08 8:53 a.m.

Exactly. If he's incapable of dealing with who makes more money, or if it makes him hard to live with simply because she's able to make her own money, there's bigger issues in the relationship than her job. He needs to deal with some serious insecurities and learn that a healthy couple supports EACH OTHER in what they do. His anatomy does not automatically make him the better equipped to earn a paycheck. (ruling out male strippers and porn stars, lol)

Posted by Domestic Engineer at 5/22/08 12:34 p.m.

Unregistered User whose wife has outearned him for 8 years needs to be cloned and given to the women in the survey.

You are a gem, Unregistered.

Posted by Iblis at 5/22/08 7:22 p.m.

"So you're assuming they are working just to pay for more goodies, and not for personal and/or career satisfaction?"

No, Im stating that females drive consumerism for the sake of consumerism, whether they need the item or not....

More things, creates more need and want, creates MORE stress.

The typical guy can drive the same car for decades, fixing it as he goes. Enter the female. WE NEED A NEW CAR!!! THE ONE WE HAVE IS NOT SAFE!! ITS UGLY!! WE NEED A VOLVO!!

So the guy goes out and busts his nut to afford a new car, even though he may not want one or can even afford it....

Who always wants the new $1500 refrigerator?

New carpeting for the living room, so the crumb crunchers can crawl around on $2000 worth of burber.

Welcome to a mans world, ladies....

Now, GET BACK TO WORK!!!

Posted by unregistered user at 5/28/08 6:29 a.m.

I've almost always earned more money than my husband. We are in the same field, but do a little bit different work. We figured out a way to get the bills paid (he pays some, I pay some), save some money and then have our own little pot. That way if he wants something or I do, we don't ask permission, it's ours to spend. I had a sister-in-law who went to work. Her family felt bad for her, but I said that I didn't. She had a good run with the kids and they had financial problems, so it's right that she sucks it up and jumps in the work pool. Now they are debt free and she's feeling a lot better, plus her home is getting remodeled when they can afford a little extra. I think that we need to work together, and figure out what works for our family and marriage. I've been married to the same guy for almost 21 years now. We met when we were young poor college kids. We've had our financial ups and downs. Our daughter is ready to go to college, so we figure it will be tough for the next few years financially. If we can keep our jobs we'll be okay. I'm not the bread winner though, we both earn a decent salary and I think we are equals. We share the debt and the responsibility.