The right to gag

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The right to gag

Are American marriages really as bland and trivial as reading about them makes it seem? And are American men really obsessed with nothing but sports and farting?

MSN ran a little feature a few days ago that made me want to gag. Two of their columnists posted a Husband's Bill of Rights and a Wife's Bill of Rights. Presumably, these are the things that the wives and husbands of this great nation see as essential components of marital harmony. The 10 rights a husband must have are:

• The right to go out with his buddies at least once a month.
• The right to dislike the husbands of his wife's friends.
• The right to have a few things of his own in the house.
• The right not to be scolded by his wife.
• The right to teach his sons how to burp and fart.
• The right to teach his children how to defend themselves.
• The right to copious reading material in the bathroom.
• The right to watch the big game.
• The right to control the remote when he's on the couch.
• The right to be chivalrous.

Does this list annoy me? Let me count the ways. Some of the rights conjure an image of a man on a leash -- scolded and brought to heel for wanting to see his friends, for keeping his own possessions in his own home, for trying to be a gentleman. What kind of shrew is this guy married to? Other rights suggest why the wife may have a few complaints. Does this guy really care so much about watching television, burping, farting and spending long hours in the bathroom that such things are equated with Jeffersonian doctrine?

And what about the wife's rights? Here are her ten:

• The right to dislike her husband's buddies.
• The right to experience PMS in all its glory
• The right to demand he finish a household job.
• The right to hear an honest answer to the question "What's wrong?"
• The right to keep her secrets.
• The right to clean air (meaning: no farting).
• The right to tons of girly bathroom products.
• The right to talk with girlfriends every day.
• The right to flirt.
• The right to foreplay.

Gag me again. A big part of what bothers me about these rights is what is being inferred about men. Apparently, the husband is a crappy lover who is in a constant state of flatulence. Strangely, while the husband is accused of being non-communicative when asked what's wrong, the wife gets to keep her secrets. She also gets to flirt while he, apparently, should be busy finishing household chores.

Ultimately, what I hate about these "rights" is that they portray marriage as a state of entrapment in which niggling little concerns dominate the relationship. Is that really what American marriages are all about? And are men truly such louts? If so, I question the sanity of those gay couples agitating for the right to get married. Why in the world would you want to buy into such a tedious institution -- especially if it means being married to a man?

Posted by at April 16, 2008 6:11 p.m.

Comments

#120162

Posted by ranting79 at 4/21/08 6:47 p.m.

I think you are forgetting the simple fact that articles like that are written by feminist advice column writers; usually with a "contribution" from a henpecked husband. I think you're right Horsey, whoever wrote those is in one, very dysfunctional marriage.

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#120543

Posted by Skimission at 4/22/08 7:35 p.m.

Married people recognize the truths in the above and learn to laugh when they find themselves acting just like that.

Some realize they WANT to occasionally do some of those things and frankly- they are manly and womanly things that are just part of us.

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#120578

Posted by Boondox at 4/22/08 8:37 p.m.

Right 11. The right to leave the room without explanation anytime some guy uses the phrase "gag me again."

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#123284

Posted by muddcat at 4/30/08 4:56 a.m.

Sorry, but I have to leave for the job now. I must read this article this evening.

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#123286

Posted by unregistered user at 4/30/08 5:29 a.m.

It's not blandness or triviality I see, but another indicator that many people see marriage as a battle.

Are my wife and I in the minority? We never argue about household funds, but then neither of us are avaricious. Household chores? We do what has to be done; I split/stack more wood and she does more dishes, but it all evens out. Hanging out with buddies? Most of our friends are mutual, but we make enough time for each other that I am often 'ordered' to grab some buddies and go out for a mountain bike ride and some beer. And we both fill the bathroom with piles of reading material.

If you need those bills of rights, a treaty if you will, to co-exist with your life partner perhaps you've chosen the wrong partner.

I will agree with boondox: nobody but teenage girls from the 80's say 'gag me' anymore. Please never do it again...

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#123872

Posted by Vladina at 5/1/08 7:04 a.m.

well, if 50% of the marriages end in divorce, some of these things must be true.

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#123989

Posted by unregistered user at 5/1/08 12:59 p.m.

It strikes me that both of these lists of "rights" are just reenforcing really tired, old-fashioned stereotypes about what it means to be masculine or feminine (guys burp and fart, gals talk and criticize a lot). How about if we all show some common courtesy to our partners regardless of our or their gender? Don't pick on each other; honor your commitments; finish the things you start; clean up after yourself; learn to share (space, emotions, quiet time, housework, child care); respect each other's privacy; be polite to each other's friends. I could go on, but really why is learning to be a good partner about gender at all? Presumably so the writers of the two lists could get a few cheap laughs, I guess.

And hey, Ranting 79, the Husband's Bill of Rights was written by someone named Craig Playstead whose bio says he's a married freelance writer living in Seattle. Check the facts before you blame "feminist advice column writers," (who apparently you seem to have some beef with).

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#124608

Posted by unregistered user at 5/3/08 7:04 a.m.

This is not a part of current blog. but. American economy is like breathing itself. America breaths in foreign products and services. America breaths out American jobs and services. The process is repeated every day over and over again. My concern is when America might reach a point where there are no more jobs to exhale and still be breathing in products and services. At what point would America be as an overfilled balloon and explode. Nothing can survive when more breath comes in than our or other way around.

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