Dumb business moments

Business 2.0 has published its list of the 101 Dumbest Moments in Business during 2004. As usual, it's a hoot.

My favorite:

4. Do as I say, not as I...hey, get a load of those!
After joining the Bank of Ireland as CEO, Michael Soden issues a dictate: No porn surfing on the job. His next dictate: The IT department is to be outsourced to Hewlett-Packard. Shortly after the outsourcing deal goes through, IT staffers, now employed by HP, discover porn on Soden's computer. Soden resigns, leaving the bank and HP scrapping over who should pay his severance, estimated at $5 million.

Hometown companies are, perhaps unfortunately, well represented. Microsoft's participation in a $50 million investment in SCO, which is suing Linux users and distributors over allegedly copyrighted code, is mentioned ("The enemy of my enemy is not necessarily -- but, under certain circumstances, might be -- my friend."). But it grabs three spots on the list for its trademark-enforcement actions:

69-71. Trademarks? We don't need no stinkin' trademarks.

Part 1 | In January, Microsoft threatens to sue Canadian teenager Mike Rowe for registering the domain name Mikerowesoft.com. After an online hue and cry, the company backs down and offers Rowe free software. "We take our trademark seriously," says spokesman Jim Desler, "but in this case maybe a little too seriously."

Part 2 | In July, Microsoft settles a trademark-infringement lawsuit with Lindows, offering to pay the Linux company $20 million to change its name to Linspire. In court testimony it comes out that Microsoft's own CD-ROM dictionary defines "windows" as a generic computer term, not a trademark.

Part 3 | In November, Microsoft sends a letter to SavvySoft, the maker of TurboExcel, demanding that the small software company change the product's name. Only one problem: Microsoft has yet to obtain a trademark for the name "Excel."

RealNetworks and its CEO, Rob Glaser, get three spots as well, for their ultimately futile efforts to crack Apple Computer's monopoly on downloadable songs that will play on the iPod. The headings pretty much sum up their evolving strategy:

7. If you can't beat 'em, join 'em.
8. If you can't beat 'em, and you can't join 'em, encourage people to whine about 'em.
9. If you can't beat 'em, and you can't join 'em, and you can't get people to whine about 'em...put out some half-baked software that forever alienates potential customers?

The full, wittily recounted details are on the first of the article's three freely accessible pages so I'll let you read them in full on your own.

Items 31 to 100 are walled off to non-subscribers and non-newstand buyers, but if you don't mind squinting a bit, you can scan Google's HTML rendition of the full-article PDF.