Wear a kilt - win a prize.

And what would cause me to dress up in a kilt? Well almost any excuse really. The reason last night was to show off my brand new kilt hose, hand-knitted by Admiral Karen. They are a combination of patterns, have a well-padded heel and an open working down the calves, for more air-conditioning. No, they are not regulation kilt-hose, but neither is my Utili-kilt - and neither am I, for that matter.

And I wore this outfit to the Roller Derby match last night. The odd thing is that there were 1,100 people there - another sellout - and I counted 4 dresses. And two of those were guys wearing kilts. Holy feminist role-reversal Batman!

And it's a good thing that blogs are typed and not dictated. Because this morning my voice sounds like a frog with a headcold who just came from a Slayer karaoke night. I get two or three words and then a crunchy sort of rasp and that's about it. Admiral Karen is in a similar condition. Together we sound like a Vanessa Redgrave - Tom Waits sitcom.

Because we got INTO it last night. The first match we saw, two months ago, was an intertown battle between two of the three Santa Cruz teams. Great fun, because exactly one half of the auditorium was for the Beach Flat Betties and the other half was for A Fistful of Dollies. That match had a jousting-at-the-Renaissance-Faire vibe to it. It was all I could do not bust out with "Stick the Froggie!" and "Slice the Limey!"

wrap around minis, however entertaining, do not count in the official skirt totals for the evening.

The second match I saw was last month's mauling between the All-Star team from Santa Cruz and the B team from Sacramento. Final score was 113 to 31, and really it wasn't even that close. That bout had a much darker vibe to it as the Sacramento team quickly realized that they were hopelessly outmatched and by the third quarter had started to get dangerously frustrated. But in the end, cooler heads prevailed.

Not at last night's bout though. Our all-stars were taking on an aggregate team, ostensibly from Riverside. But the Inland Empire Derby Divas have had some internal problems lately, and so they were short of skaters. So they grabbed some rivals from Bakersfield, and even recruited some ringers from OUR rivals, Silicon Valley. Ay-yi-yi. The result was a tough team of tough women, some members of which clearly had some scores to settle. An early pile up by the entrance tunnel had two girls rising with fists flying. Later in the first half a take down on the home stretch resulted in a derby diva on her backside kicking one of our girls in the face - repeatedly. That one quickly had the refs, fans and paremedics diving in.

Photo by Nocklebeast. Used by kind permission. More great shots at: http://www.flickr.com/photos/nocklebeast/sets/72157606281421928/

For the most part our girls kept it clean - or at least in the rulebooks. Roller Derby is a contact sport after all, and as I learned in soccer, there is a sublime sense of satisfaction in taking a player out of the game and not getting a whistle blasted in your direction. The Diva who practiced her Rockettes routine on Brawley Parton's face was ejected, but no fouls resulted later from one of our girls hip checking a fellow blocker into the side of the stage. Boom!

At times there were as many skaters in the penalty box as on the track, and there were several delays as the squadron of referees (from both clubs) stopped the play to sort out the mayhem.

At halftime we were behind by ten points and were being out played worse than that. But halftime is where a leader shines. I don't know what Coach Rogue Assassin did to our All Stars during the halftime break - rumors include a case of red bull, a riding crop and a tazer - but from the opening whistle of the second half our girls skated like they were possessed. Our jammers in particular has thrown caution to the wind and were wheeling around the track like they were being chased by the very hounds of hell.

Photo by Nocklebeast. Used by kind permission. More great shots at: http://www.flickr.com/photos/nocklebeast/sets/72157606281421928/

In a couple of key jams the opposing jammer was sent to the penalty box early, resulting in a full two minute jam for us and free points for everytime our jammer passed theirs in the penalty box. We tied the score halfway through the second half, took a small lead with 5 minutes left, and then hung on to win 85 - 75 in a climactic series of jams that had the crowd on its feet and the decibel meter crying for mercy.

Then it was off to Ice Cream for us - to help our ravaged throats - and off to the local dance bar for our All Stars and their competitors. Even folks who have been sent to the hospital have shown up later at the Blue Lagoon, bloodied, bandaged and ready to party. Possible exception this month though to Derby Diva Dixie Normous (*snert*) who ended up on the bottom of an awkward pile and broke her left arm. But if she did make an appearance at the bar I'm sure she had got her drinks for free.

Photo by Nocklebeast. Used by kind permission. More great shots at: http://www.flickr.com/photos/nocklebeast/sets/72157606281421928/

But it wasn't all flying elbows and furious fisticuffs. Each month the Santa Cruz Roller Girls support a local non-profit charity, giving a percentage of the gate receipts, plus a table in the lobby and this month a raffle. First prize of which was a luncheon with the beautiful, sexy Roller Girls themselves. And guess who won that?

Your darn tootin! Wear a kilt - win a prize. I walked out of there with 1,100 sudden best friends.