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We did it! We did it!
I think it's Dora who chants that line at the end of her show, isn't it?
Anyhow, here we sit at the end of a marathon potty training endeavor, and I think we have actually done it. Or CJ did it, anyway.
So, for posterity, here are the LESSONS I LEARNED along the way:
1. The child has to be ready.
It doesn't matter how ready YOU are- you're already potty trained (I hope). Key signs of being ready include:
- Regular BM's at the same time each day
- An interest in the toilet
- Awareness of when he's gone, or ideally when he's about to go
- He doesn't like having a dirty diaper, and asks you to change it.
- He is coordinated enough to do things like: pull his pants up and down.
2. Be prepared to spend a lot of time in the bathroom. And then to spend some more time there.
What I didn't expect, wasn't prepared for, and probably the reason our previous attempts failed miserably, is that you end up spending a LOT of time sitting in the bathroom. He didn't know how to do it, so it was a matter of waiting for it to happen (like watching for the pot to boil, if you know what I'm saying). With that in mind, here are some tips:
- Have books to read in the bathroom (what man doesn't like a good read on the john?!) Toy catalogs work really well too.
- Reserve special toys that are only to be played with while on the toilet.
- If you're the kind of person who would rather do something than sit in the bathroom for extended periods of time, OR if your child wants privacy, consider getting a mini DVD player (you can get them for just $100) and letting them watch DVDs on the toilet. Worked like a dream for me!
3. Underwear are messy, but pull-ups don't work
The first several times that we tried, we used pull-ups. Then someone told us that PULL-UPS DON'T WORK; you have to use underwear. So we tried that. But after 4 or so BM's in the underwear we ran back to Pull-ups with open arms. It's a no-win situation to be sure, but the simple fact is, Pull-ups don't work. I've been there, got the T-shirt. They're too comfortable, too easy... the reasons that YOU like them are the same reasons why kids want to keep wearing them. So, make sure you're in a mentally stable state of mind and then COMMIT... underwear and only underwear, no matter what. It's a little like wedding vows... through thick and thin, dry and wet... (that's not what they say, is it? Oh well it's been almost 10 years since I said mine...)
4. Repeat after me: "My child is unique."
Seriously. It's easy to get disheartened by your neighbor's story of her 2-year old who potty trained in a day. But every child is different. If this is your child's battle, so be it. Your neighbor will probably end up with a kid on parole (or so you can tell yourself in the more depressing moments). What worked for that other kid (or my kid) might not work for your kid. You just have to keep trying until something sticks.
Good luck! (you're going to need it)
Related resources that I found helpful:
- Potty Training Tips (website)
- Baby Center: Toilet Training Preparation (website)
- Potty Training articles on About.com
- Dr. Greene on potty training (website)
- Potty Training topics on Keepkidshealthy.com
- Everyone Poops (children's book; very graphic but informative)
- Sam's Potty (children's book)
The whole series:
- The Potty Training Blues
- The Potty Training Initiative: Transformerations
- The Potty Training Saga: Constipation Nation
Yesterday, after popping out a big one, CJ said to me, "I'm a good pooper, aren't I mom?" Yes you are. And some day those words WILL be used against you (evil laugh).
***
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Posted by Jenny Blackburn at 2/26/07 5:09 p.m.
Thanks for the insights. You make an interesting point about starting too late. I often wonder if that was part of our problem; that by our first attempt, CJ was already too old and had passed that optimal point in time. That's one of the things that I found so difficult about being in a dual-working parent situation... finding the time to undertake something like potty training is very difficult!
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Posted by unregistered user at 2/26/07 11:56 a.m.
I think that if parents started potty training earlier, it would be easier to accomplish and there wouldn't be 3, 4 and 5 year olds still wearing diapers. I started potty training my second daughter at 7 weeks of age and by American standards she wasn't ready. AFter all, she was just mastering holding her head up and was no where close to verbal communication or even being able to move toward the bathroom. But now at 9 months of age she refuses to poop in her diaper and mostly pees in the potty as well. She can sign "toilet" for me and she can get off the potty herself when she's done now that she's crawling.
I disagree with your last point on item 1. The coordination for pulling pants does not need to be there in order to potty train. My oldest was traditionally potty trained at age 2 and she didn't get the hang of pulling her pants up and down until several months later. But she could tell me she needed to go every time and was fully trained at that age.
My second daughter had mastered the first, third and fourth point in item 1 when I started elimination communication with her at 7 weeks. She was very regular with her BM's. She was very aware of them, too, and would cry just before she had to go. She would stop crying as soon as she released her bladder or bowels. And she would also cry if her diaper was wet or dirty and still hates it (we do use diapers since I work outside the home, otherwise she'd be in training pants).
I completely agree with #3 on your list! Pullups are just bigger, more expensive diapers, and they're a way to keep kids in diapers longer. I didn't use them with my daughter but many friends have used them. They pretty much end up having to change them just as they would a diaper. So what's the point? Pullups are way more expensive. I really liked having a daughter so I could put her in dresses with no underwear during the week we worked on potty training. Much easier that way!
30 years ago, kids were potty trained at 18 months of age. 60 years ago, kids were potty trained at 12 months of age. These are averages so there were kids potty training earlier and later than that. Why is the age so much older now, closer to 3? It's the diaper industry trying to make more money convincing parents to wait until their child shows "signs of readiness," which really have nothing to do with the child being ready at all.
Some good reads and resources for those interested:
Diaper Free Before 3 (book)
Infant Potty Training (book)
www.ec-information.com